Transformation

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Rom. 12:1-2

Ever have days where you aren’t really looking to “hear” from Jesus, but rather are just set out to go about your planned day. Today was one of those days for me. It started like any other day. I woke up worked out, drove to the gym and worked out more, and then decided I would go spend a little time with my grandma who is in a nursing rehab center. I went and found grandma in the dining hall just finishing her breakfast. I talked with her for awhile and then she said, “Ang, could you take me outside where it’s sunny and warm?” (she is worse than I am when it comes to being cold these days….she wore a winter sweater and at 9am it was already 80 out and she was still cold :) ). So together we sat outside in the hot morning sun doing nothing but sitting and talking about life. As I looked at her and had been observing her all morning I noticed how kind and gentle her words had been to others this morning (complimenting everyone’s outfit, smiling, and joyful). In fact, as I sat with her this morning there was one word that came to my mind. Transformation. I’m not sure I have ever seen my grandma this kind and joyful towards others than today. I know that she doesn’t want to be here and that her longing desire is to return home and walk, but when I sat with grandma this morning I saw a heart that has become softened…..perhaps transformed.
This precious time with my grandma this morning has brought so much thought to my life today. In fact, it’s consumed my thoughts in so many ways. Tonight, even though it’s a Friday night, I find myself wanting to do nothing else than to reflect on my life and how God is and has been transforming my mind.

Tonight, it really hit me. Everything was brought to light tonight. Transformation is an on going process in our life, but tonight God is showing me in such a tangible way how he has transformed and continues to transform my life. As my life journey continues, I so often feel like I’m the same person that I was a year ago or two years ago. It’s frustrating because I want my life to change now and I think so often that transformation means a huge change in life that is visible for everyone to see. That’s not what transformation is about. Transformation is about letting God take you where you are at now and allowing him to have control of your mind and thoughts, so that your actions become more Christ like.

The last two months have been so good for me. Not just because it’s summer (which has such a HUGE impact on my mental attitude), but because I’m learning how to let Christ transform me, even if it’s not what my human flesh wants.

Let me be specific about how God has and is transforming my life:

1. This past spring I was asked to babysit again this summer. I wanted to take the job so bad because I knew it was easy, but more because I knew it would bring a little more sense of financial security to my life, when I knew that I was going to be unemployed. I went back and forth for so long and finally yielded to the fact that God was telling me that my security wasn’t in money. I said no to the job, because in the back of my mind was this little thought that continued to say “there are people who are going to need your time and attention this summer and I want that to be your focus.”

Transformation: Old Me: My mind wanted financial security
Lord: Lord renewed my mind and told me to seek relationships.
New Me: I choose that path and today with my grandma was God’s confirmation that I too was being transformed.

2. Two years ago, I went through a really hard break up. It was maybe one of the hardest things I’ve ever let go of. Right after, I closed myself off. I had no emotions and no feelings. I couldn’t feel joy. I didn’t feel pain. I was completely numb. To be unable to feel good or bad is in essence to feel dead to the world. I prayed that the Lord would take my numb mind and bring back emotions/feelings and allow me to give love/joy to others once again. Fast forward to a few months ago, when I had all these feelings and once again actually was feeling joy and pain. Instead of I realized that emotions are a blessing from the lord. I needed to embrace whatever it was I was feeling and let my emotions have a voice and let them be known. I could have become bitter and decided not to give again, but I stood straight in the pain of past hurt and I let the soil on which I now stand become richer so that I am able to give more life to the seeds on which I give now.

Transformation: Old Me: Was emotionally numb and unable nor willing to love/encourage others
Lord: Brings someone into my life and with it a flood of emotions. God gives me a second chance to give emotionally uplifting words and feelings to someone
New Me: Embracing emotions and attempting to express thoughts freely to others while being able to feel alive to joy/pain/sorrow/emotions

3. Jan 1., 2010: I want to life fearlessly Lord. I want to be bold in my decisions. These were the exact words that I wrote in my journal for what I want to work towards this year. Half way through the year I can honestly say that that Lord has and still is transforming my mind to think differently and live differently. I’m learning more and more to be bold in my actions and every time the Lord faithfully rewards my actions. My next prayer is that the Lord allows me to be bold enough in making a decision on where I should move to or go. And with that, that the Lord will give affirmation in that decision through the words, actions, and people that he brings into my life. That if I choose to uproot and leave that the new soil would be richer.

Transformation: Old Me: Content to live in safety of a convenient, well known, and partially established place and lifestyle.
Lord: Directs me to a new place/job that will ultimately allow me to give/serve others
New Me: TBD :) Are you bold enough Ang to trust?

This is such a long post that ultimately can be summed up in this:

I love that I have chosen to enter into the presence of Jesus just as I am and have asked him to give me a fearless heart where he can be with me.

Sitting in the sun this morning, watching and talking with my grandma, allowed me to see this person who is coming near to the end of her life, and yet the Lord continues to transform her mind. Clearly if she could have done that years ago she would have, but it leads me to believe and know this:

You (I) cannot make myself different. Jesus came to give you (I) a new heart, a new spirit, a new mind, and a new body.

Ang, let him continue to transform you by his love and so enabling you to receive his affection for you in your whole being.