Brave

My friend and I have this saying......it's something that we use to tell each other in college..... We would say to each other to "be a brave lil solider" whenever we were scared/intimidated of something....

Brave….

Do you ever have one of those times when you try to keep it together but as soon as you leave somewhere or see someone close to you, you lose it? Today, I had one of those moments. A long story short, I’ve had 5 laser vein surgeries and more to come in the future. Supposedly I have broken valves in my legs that need to be “shut down” and rerouted to other veins. Well rightly so, one of my biggest fear is not being able to feel my legs. During the surgery, I’m awake for it all, but they numb your leg while they insert the laser rod. The Dr. numbed my leg and started to prick the needle in my leg. While I knew that this numbing was only temporary, I laid on the chair struggling to keep myself composed. It wasn’t necessarily the pain but rather the emotional reminiscing. It brought me back to Sept. 20. It brought me back to the day that I was not able to feel my legs. I made it through the procedure and left her office. As soon as I got in my car I lost it….completely. I started bawling like a baby. I called my mom and just cried to her. I can’t explain why I was really even crying other than I don’t ever want to NOT feel a sensation on my leg (sharp, soft, or painful). I want to feel something/anything and not nothing. I was brave….so brave. While maybe I was acting like a kid in wishing I had my mama around and crying over some stupid needle that I got pricked with…..the truth is even big kids get scared and need to be brave.

Oh and if I ever have kids….I promise you I will not have an epidural that numbs your body….if my mom didn’t have one with twins, then I won’t either!!