Appraoching 32, Unmarried, and Childless...

I'm a twin.  By nature people tend to compare twins.  Yes, we are different genders but that doesn't always stop the comparisons.  Being that we are the same age, people often assume we should be in the same stage of life.  We aren't. 

I'm 31, unmarried, childless, and don't have a super successful career making lots of money.  Because of that, I get asked all the time these questions:

"What's next?"
"When are you going to get married?"
"Why aren't you dating?"
"Better hurry up, your days of having kids are decreasing!"
"All the "good guys" are probably gone, better hurry up!"

I get that they are usually teasing or joking with me.  And sometimes they are just encouraging me start walking down the same path that everyone else has already been down or are currently headed.  I totally get it and it makes sense for them to say those things.

But sometimes, those comments just add to what I already know to be true.  Believe me, I'm fully aware that I am unmarried, childless, and not getting any younger.  Yes, I'm aware that my "biological clock is ticking".  I'm aware that as a twin, I'm not following the same pattern as my brother or peers.  I realize that at almost 32, I don't have what other people my age do.  And sometimes I do wonder what's wrong with me because of it.  I sometimes feel like I'm letting family down.  And sometimes, I am left frozen, feeling like I'm not enough.  Like what I've done in my 31 years of life doesn't really matter or that I really haven't accomplished much of the American dream. 

You see, I often look at my brother and placed side by side we are twins who's lives have gone in different directions.  By all worldly standards he's living the American dream.  He went to a private college, found his sweetheart there, got a fantastic job out of college, spent a year living on his own in a downtown city, had a beautiful wedding, traveled with her all over the country, bought a beautiful home in the suburbs, was recruited by many other successful companies and negotiated for the highest pay possible with a new company in the south in a city they had dreamed of living, bought a lot and custom designed their home, got pregnant, went on an elaborate "baby moon",  had a child,  traveled some more internationally, built a white fence and pergola with a fire pit at house, and most recently bought the mini van with the intentions of having the other 1-2 more kids to complete this American dream.

Now you may think after writing this that I sound jealous of my brothers life.  I'm really not.  I love watching them build their life together.  It's a really good things.  The picture I paint is to show you why people would ask me the same questions they would ask my brother....." what's next?"

When people ask me about my marital status, I think I'm messing up my chances to do anything worthwhile with my life and that I'm simply missing out on this American dream lifestyle.  It may not be stated as so, but internally I receive the message as so.  Yes, I've been living the same single life and the same dream for sometime now.  Most often I'm asked two questions because of it....How's school and are you dating?   My response is usually minimal and the questions move on to other people who have more exciting things going on in life...or so it seems. 

But what if....what if my ultimate goal has nothing to do with marriage or kids or a career?  What if my aim was to love people well and to fully embrace the gifts I have been given.  I don't know if having a family and the "American Dream" is going to be my story.  Would that be ok?  What if my life goal never included any of those things.  What if my life goal was to simply run the race, to be called by God a faithful servant at the end?  And maybe that would mean marriage, children, and a thriving career, but maybe it wouldn't too.   Does that mean that my life in comparison to someone else's has less value? I get frustrated when the conversation with me often boil down to the same few questions and when my answers don't usually change, the conversations move on quickly to someone else.

When people ask when I'm getting married, I don't have an answer.  When they hint at getting older...I look in the mirror and realize that.  Maybe people are just making small talk...I get that.  I do that too. 

But what if instead of asking me what's next in my life you ask me what's now.  What's God teaching me now? Ask me what I'm struggling with now, ask me what I'm currently doing now that's bringing me joy, ask me what I'm learning now, ask me where I'm investing my time now.  I would love to tell you all about that.

I'd tell you how I made a summer bucket list and have been fearlessly conquering it... I'd tell you how I started a business...I'd tell you how I've dedicated hours at learning about real estate...I'd tell you how I am reading through Joshua and have been learning about taking time to prepare and then going boldly into new challenges... I'd tell you how I finished my basement on my own and learned how to tile and lay flooring...I'd tell you how I was nominated judge of the year out of all the judges in all the states...I'd tell you how I work with freshman girls and lead a bible study...I'd tell you that I struggle at it too... I'd tell you how I dyed my hair by myself for the first time and it turned out to be a train wreck... I'd tell you how I did 4 pull ups unassisted and am stronger... I'd tell you how I get lonely.. I'd tell you about my new roommate who moved in my house and what a delight she's been.

Yes, I'm 31.  I don't have a husband.  I don't have children.  I don't have a job that will move me up a corporate ladder, but I am abundantly blessed with absurd, exhilarating, and fantastic things I would have never dreamed up on my own.  Instead of feeling left frozen by the comparison of people's lives around me, or in the shadow of a sibling, I'm going to relish in the freedom, blessings, and limitless possibilities that this stage of my life offers me.   I don't know how long it will last, but it's here now and I'm going to seize that.

So please, don't ask me what's next......as me what's now.