Boldness

Boldness. I have always admired people who are bold. Probably because it’s a trait that I envy and long to have or become. There’s something about people who are bold that I admire. People who are bold in their faith, bold in striking up a conversation with a stranger, bold in taking risks, bold in calling people out, and or bold in making life changes that completely cause 180 degree turn. Maybe I admire them, because I want to be like them. I want to be bold. I’ve never really truly been a bold person. I’ve definitely gotten better as I’ve gotten older, but it’s always been a struggle to me to be bold. I was telling this to a friend of mine and I started to laugh because I told her that it’s even a struggle for me to wear a tank top to the gym because I’m just not bold enough. I mean really!!!! LOL. I once worked with a teacher who had taught for 14 years. She was clearly on the path of spending 35 years teaching to get the full teacher retirement benefits. But she didn’t enjoy it. So rather than keep going down that path, she completely let teaching go to be a personal trainer. That was bold to me. I know this guy at the gym, who whenever you talk to him, he brings up his faith. It’s so apart of him that he can’t help but talk about it being apart of his everyday life. That’s bold to me. I’m one who is always hesitant to talk to someone I don’t know very well. It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because I’m not good at being assertive right away. And yet, when people are bold and come up to me to talk, it literally makes my day. I’ve always wondered why I’m not an extremely bold person. Why I sometimes walk the perimeter in hopes to be unseen instead of in the middle boldly living life. Is it my quieter personality, is a lack of confidence, is it a fear of rejection….? The truth is, I have it in me. I have the desire to be bold. I just need people to pull it out of me. I need God’s strength to work through my weakness. So my desire moving forward this year is to be bold. To have someone hold me accountable for being bold in all areas of my life. And in the process, allow God to shine through my everyday weaknesses.

Great Things- New Song

This song has been my go to song lately:
http://youtu.be/htPID9rB7h8

Thank you for the wilderness, where I learned to thirst for your presence.

When I look back on my life, I can remember months even years where I struggled to understand what God was doing in my life. I can specifically remember the year out of college. I remember for a year or so feeling like I was just wondering aimlessly in life. I had just come off the best four years of my life in college and had entered into the real world. Except the real world didn’t seem to want me. I had applied hundreds of places and I had no job. I struggled with the fact that I was moving back home and not the Chicago suburbs like my dreams had always taken me. I ended a 2 year relationship and struggled to understand why my heart felt the way it did. I struggled to find community. I literally went from living with my 5 best friends in one bedroom (yes triple often and bunk beds) to zero friends in one day when I moved home. Community was gone. This was the wilderness time of my life. Now, I’ve had other times in my life that I would considered wilderness times. But the truth rings deeply….I had to thirst for the presence of God. I had to thirst for God to bring new people into my life. I had to step back and trust that God had a better man in store for me even though I still held on to the memories of what once was. I had to hope that God was in the business of providing. I felt like I had nothing, but many years later I can step back and see the big picture of it all…. That those times refined me and provided a deeper understanding that thirsting can be beautiful.

If I never known that place, how could I have known you were better?

Thank you for the lonely times, when I learned to live in the silence. As the other voices fade, I can hear you calling me Jesus….

Loneliness. I’ve come to know it well. Don’t get me wrong, I have many friends and am socialable, but that doesn’t always diminish loneliness. People often ask me why I’m on the move so much and rarely at home. If I’m honest, I think it’s because I run from loneliness. You see, I live alone. I live in a 3 bedroom 2 ½ bath home. It’s just me. No pets, no kids, no others. Life can get lonely pretty fast when I come home. But, as I’ve come to realize….this time of loneliness is a blessing for me. I have noises around me all day long in the classroom. I’ve come to realize that this time at home alone is my reflection time. My time to just be silent and process all that God wants to tell me. Times like this where I can sit in a silent home and just write and think are gifts. 

Thank you for the scars I bare. They declare that you are my healer. How could I have seen your strength if you never show me my weakness.

I bare scars. Emotional and physical. My heart has been wounded many times, but the truth is that I still love those people who have hurt it. I’m not closed off to them. That’s God’s healing power at work in me. Because my selfish nature just wants to be bitter at them. But I’m not. I have physical scars. I have a 5 inch scar that runs down the middle of my back. And every summer when I go to put on that bathing suit and start to get self conscious of it….I step back. I touch it, and I thank God that that scar happened. I thank God that he is in the business of giving. For while, so much of my life was turned upside down because of that scar, I was given a new perspective on life that has changed the way I think, act, and feel towards the world. Too much that’s been given, much is exspected….my scar reminds me of that everyday.  That scar reminds me that God is in the business of giving.  And where something was taken it was only to give something greater. 

And it’s worth it all just to know you more.

You’ve done great things… Jesus your love never fails me.

The truth is…..God’s done far greater things that I ever thought possible. His love really never has failed me.

I'll Wait For This...

I came across this post the other day and it honestly was exactly what I needed to hear at this time.  Sometimes waiting and trusting in this area of my life is hard, but this was such encouragement to me.  Such a good read about how and what I desire of someone someday.  Read below:

The Man I'll Wait For

Senior High Ministry Small Group

 

This past year, I got the honor of spending every Wednesday night investing into the lives of freshman high school girls.  As imperfect and unequipped I felt at times to be a leader, I ultimately learned that it's not about how good or bad you are, but about the relationship you build.  People must come first in life.  These girls are each so special and I am so encouraged by their desire to know Christ more.  It's my prayer for them and myself that we would all live out God's calling on our life to serve others.

 

Big Ten Tournament 2015

I did it again.....4 years in a row that I've taken a Friday off to go to or watch the Big Ten tournament!  And I love it!  This year my friend Marcy and I went to the United Center in Chicago with the intention of watching Illinois play.  But of course they were terrible and didn't make it to Friday....so we became Michigan State fans and cheered them on instead!  Fun times!

48 Hours in Denver

I'm not always brave...I always wish I was braver than I really am.  But I must say, this was brave.  I flew to Denver by myself for a quick 48 hour trip.  The flight was $89 round trip....can't pass that up.  I had one goal....try to cross country ski.  It's out of my comfort zone, it's cold, it's physically challenging....and those are all the reasons why I tried.  To tell myself that I can be brave, try new things, and learn new things.  To remind myself that limitations are only what your mind makes of them. 

Bears vs. Panthers: A Dream Come True

I love sports...more specifically I love football.  There's something about it that just gets my blood flowing and makes me excited.  It could be the love I have for tailgating too.  The atmosphere is electric....the anticipation to kick off is exhilarating.  Then, combine football 2nd row tickets, your favorite team playing, and one going with one of your favorite people in life...well that's a dream come true in my book.  That's exactly what just happened.   This past weekend, I flew to Charlotte, NC to go to the Bears vs. Panthers game with my twin brother.  I surprised him and bought 2nd row tickets on the 40 yard line of the Bears sideline.  The weather was absolutely perfect.  Not a cloud in the sky and 69 degrees.  Despite the flight delays both ways, the trip turned out to be such a dream of mine.  This video highlights this special day for me:


Bears vs. Panthers Football Game