Besties in the City

I got to meet one of my best friends, Laura, downtown Chicago!  There is something real special about doing life with her. She's a friend who I talk to and call for anything....from talking about boys, to reminiscing about college life, to being frustrated about teaching.  She gets it all and is as loyal and can be.  Everyone needs a bestie like her! :)

Michigan 2015

This 4th of July I got to spend some time with my family.  My brother's family came up from Charlotte.  Despite the weather being very cold, we enjoyed some quality time at the lake.   

Appraoching 32, Unmarried, and Childless...

I'm a twin.  By nature people tend to compare twins.  Yes, we are different genders but that doesn't always stop the comparisons.  Being that we are the same age, people often assume we should be in the same stage of life.  We aren't. 

I'm 31, unmarried, childless, and don't have a super successful career making lots of money.  Because of that, I get asked all the time these questions:

"What's next?"
"When are you going to get married?"
"Why aren't you dating?"
"Better hurry up, your days of having kids are decreasing!"
"All the "good guys" are probably gone, better hurry up!"

I get that they are usually teasing or joking with me.  And sometimes they are just encouraging me start walking down the same path that everyone else has already been down or are currently headed.  I totally get it and it makes sense for them to say those things.

But sometimes, those comments just add to what I already know to be true.  Believe me, I'm fully aware that I am unmarried, childless, and not getting any younger.  Yes, I'm aware that my "biological clock is ticking".  I'm aware that as a twin, I'm not following the same pattern as my brother or peers.  I realize that at almost 32, I don't have what other people my age do.  And sometimes I do wonder what's wrong with me because of it.  I sometimes feel like I'm letting family down.  And sometimes, I am left frozen, feeling like I'm not enough.  Like what I've done in my 31 years of life doesn't really matter or that I really haven't accomplished much of the American dream. 

You see, I often look at my brother and placed side by side we are twins who's lives have gone in different directions.  By all worldly standards he's living the American dream.  He went to a private college, found his sweetheart there, got a fantastic job out of college, spent a year living on his own in a downtown city, had a beautiful wedding, traveled with her all over the country, bought a beautiful home in the suburbs, was recruited by many other successful companies and negotiated for the highest pay possible with a new company in the south in a city they had dreamed of living, bought a lot and custom designed their home, got pregnant, went on an elaborate "baby moon",  had a child,  traveled some more internationally, built a white fence and pergola with a fire pit at house, and most recently bought the mini van with the intentions of having the other 1-2 more kids to complete this American dream.

Now you may think after writing this that I sound jealous of my brothers life.  I'm really not.  I love watching them build their life together.  It's a really good things.  The picture I paint is to show you why people would ask me the same questions they would ask my brother....." what's next?"

When people ask me about my marital status, I think I'm messing up my chances to do anything worthwhile with my life and that I'm simply missing out on this American dream lifestyle.  It may not be stated as so, but internally I receive the message as so.  Yes, I've been living the same single life and the same dream for sometime now.  Most often I'm asked two questions because of it....How's school and are you dating?   My response is usually minimal and the questions move on to other people who have more exciting things going on in life...or so it seems. 

But what if....what if my ultimate goal has nothing to do with marriage or kids or a career?  What if my aim was to love people well and to fully embrace the gifts I have been given.  I don't know if having a family and the "American Dream" is going to be my story.  Would that be ok?  What if my life goal never included any of those things.  What if my life goal was to simply run the race, to be called by God a faithful servant at the end?  And maybe that would mean marriage, children, and a thriving career, but maybe it wouldn't too.   Does that mean that my life in comparison to someone else's has less value? I get frustrated when the conversation with me often boil down to the same few questions and when my answers don't usually change, the conversations move on quickly to someone else.

When people ask when I'm getting married, I don't have an answer.  When they hint at getting older...I look in the mirror and realize that.  Maybe people are just making small talk...I get that.  I do that too. 

But what if instead of asking me what's next in my life you ask me what's now.  What's God teaching me now? Ask me what I'm struggling with now, ask me what I'm currently doing now that's bringing me joy, ask me what I'm learning now, ask me where I'm investing my time now.  I would love to tell you all about that.

I'd tell you how I made a summer bucket list and have been fearlessly conquering it... I'd tell you how I started a business...I'd tell you how I've dedicated hours at learning about real estate...I'd tell you how I am reading through Joshua and have been learning about taking time to prepare and then going boldly into new challenges... I'd tell you how I finished my basement on my own and learned how to tile and lay flooring...I'd tell you how I was nominated judge of the year out of all the judges in all the states...I'd tell you how I work with freshman girls and lead a bible study...I'd tell you that I struggle at it too... I'd tell you how I dyed my hair by myself for the first time and it turned out to be a train wreck... I'd tell you how I did 4 pull ups unassisted and am stronger... I'd tell you how I get lonely.. I'd tell you about my new roommate who moved in my house and what a delight she's been.

Yes, I'm 31.  I don't have a husband.  I don't have children.  I don't have a job that will move me up a corporate ladder, but I am abundantly blessed with absurd, exhilarating, and fantastic things I would have never dreamed up on my own.  Instead of feeling left frozen by the comparison of people's lives around me, or in the shadow of a sibling, I'm going to relish in the freedom, blessings, and limitless possibilities that this stage of my life offers me.   I don't know how long it will last, but it's here now and I'm going to seize that.

So please, don't ask me what's next......as me what's now. 

A Bestie and a Selfie

I would have to say, that I'm an awesome person when it comes to having fun with little money and in the most unidealistic places.  Take for example, my trip to South Dakota.  There is literally nothing much to do there besides Mt. Rushmore.  So one of my good judging friends and I decided to take a selfie stick and go for a car ride....well we ended up in the middle of a State Park filled with nothing but some hills, buffalo, and prairie dogs.  But let me tell you....we had a blast!  Sometimes I've realized in life you just need to have an adventurous spirit and friend who won't judge you for your crazy/fun ways.   I've found that in my buddy Marcy.  She's my partner in crime and a great bestie!

                                           

Mt. Rushmore- Trampoline Tumbling Nationals

I headed out west to judge the 2015 United States National Trampoline/Tumbling competition.  This year, I had the honor of being nominated as one of the Judges of the Year award.  While I didn't win, it was just cool to have that honor in a sport I love so much!

Perplexed

 2 Corth. 4:7-9

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

This verse has been on my heart the last week.   Let me start with last week.  Last Wednesday night I asked my small group girls to define their current life mentality in one word.  For me the word I used to describe my life was hopeful.  So many things in my life were looking hopeful.  I was excited about different things.  I was opening my heart again and letting hope guide me into perusing different possibilities and relationships.  Fast forward to the next week at small group and I asked the exact same question to the girls.  It’s funny how many people had totally different answers.  Myself included.  A week later and my word had gone from hopeful to weary. 

I’ve asked myself this a lot this week.  How can your heart go from one to the other in such little time.   The truth is, my hopefulness has led to weariness.  I’m weary of investing into hope and finding it disappointing.  Maybe more specifically I’m weary of being perplexed about the way things turned out over the course of a week.  I know specifics aren’t given here, but the truth is, they don’t need to be.  I’m not perplexed about the why….I’m smart enough and know the reason why….it’s the same reason why I’ve spent many years not getting excited or hopeful in this area of my life.  As I’ve wrestled with my thoughts, I’ve clung to this verse:

2 Corth. 4:7-9

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 

I am perplexed.  Hope has faded.  Let me repeat that….hope has faded.  It’s not gone. I wish I could change things.  I wish things were different and I wish hope was still the dominate theme the resided in my heart right now.  But I’ve come to understand this, this week.  That belief in God’s sovereignty thus gives us the security of knowing God is in control.  God gives people the ability to make choices.  He gives people the ability to see what’s in front of them and make a decision. God’s sovereignty allows us to believe that he is bigger than our circumstances and will make our lives better through our circumstances.  I may feel struck down, but I am not destroyed.  :)

Boldness

Boldness. I have always admired people who are bold. Probably because it’s a trait that I envy and long to have or become. There’s something about people who are bold that I admire. People who are bold in their faith, bold in striking up a conversation with a stranger, bold in taking risks, bold in calling people out, and or bold in making life changes that completely cause 180 degree turn. Maybe I admire them, because I want to be like them. I want to be bold. I’ve never really truly been a bold person. I’ve definitely gotten better as I’ve gotten older, but it’s always been a struggle to me to be bold. I was telling this to a friend of mine and I started to laugh because I told her that it’s even a struggle for me to wear a tank top to the gym because I’m just not bold enough. I mean really!!!! LOL. I once worked with a teacher who had taught for 14 years. She was clearly on the path of spending 35 years teaching to get the full teacher retirement benefits. But she didn’t enjoy it. So rather than keep going down that path, she completely let teaching go to be a personal trainer. That was bold to me. I know this guy at the gym, who whenever you talk to him, he brings up his faith. It’s so apart of him that he can’t help but talk about it being apart of his everyday life. That’s bold to me. I’m one who is always hesitant to talk to someone I don’t know very well. It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because I’m not good at being assertive right away. And yet, when people are bold and come up to me to talk, it literally makes my day. I’ve always wondered why I’m not an extremely bold person. Why I sometimes walk the perimeter in hopes to be unseen instead of in the middle boldly living life. Is it my quieter personality, is a lack of confidence, is it a fear of rejection….? The truth is, I have it in me. I have the desire to be bold. I just need people to pull it out of me. I need God’s strength to work through my weakness. So my desire moving forward this year is to be bold. To have someone hold me accountable for being bold in all areas of my life. And in the process, allow God to shine through my everyday weaknesses.