Christmas 2011

Merry Christmas!

Brave

My friend and I have this saying......it's something that we use to tell each other in college..... We would say to each other to "be a brave lil solider" whenever we were scared/intimidated of something....

Brave….

Do you ever have one of those times when you try to keep it together but as soon as you leave somewhere or see someone close to you, you lose it? Today, I had one of those moments. A long story short, I’ve had 5 laser vein surgeries and more to come in the future. Supposedly I have broken valves in my legs that need to be “shut down” and rerouted to other veins. Well rightly so, one of my biggest fear is not being able to feel my legs. During the surgery, I’m awake for it all, but they numb your leg while they insert the laser rod. The Dr. numbed my leg and started to prick the needle in my leg. While I knew that this numbing was only temporary, I laid on the chair struggling to keep myself composed. It wasn’t necessarily the pain but rather the emotional reminiscing. It brought me back to Sept. 20. It brought me back to the day that I was not able to feel my legs. I made it through the procedure and left her office. As soon as I got in my car I lost it….completely. I started bawling like a baby. I called my mom and just cried to her. I can’t explain why I was really even crying other than I don’t ever want to NOT feel a sensation on my leg (sharp, soft, or painful). I want to feel something/anything and not nothing. I was brave….so brave. While maybe I was acting like a kid in wishing I had my mama around and crying over some stupid needle that I got pricked with…..the truth is even big kids get scared and need to be brave.

Oh and if I ever have kids….I promise you I will not have an epidural that numbs your body….if my mom didn’t have one with twins, then I won’t either!!

Teaching

It’s been such a LONG time since I’ve sat down and written. My heart misses it. I just love writing. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s the reason I got my recent job. I talked up about how much I love teaching writing and feel like this new school needed someone who had experience working on a writing curriculum. Whatever may be it got me this new job. It’s hard to start over again at a new school. Feeling like the only person who doesn’t know how everything operates is a bit intimidating. On top of that, it’s a new staff of teachers who don’t know my story. But all in all, I am blessed to have a job again and things are going ok at the moment. I never really thought I’d end up working with low income-Title One students, but now my second year working in a low income school, I’ve come to realize the impact I can have on them. I’ve realized that these kids have such little support/if any at home. Today I ask a kid where his mom worked and he said Subway. She supports 3 kids on a Subway income. I asked another kid today if he had any brothers/sisters and he said that he was the only child. He said that his mom had other kids but that he thinks they died. He went on to tell me that she had an abortion but that he didn’t know what that meant. He asked me if I knew. I said yes, but told him that was something his mom would tell him when he got older. I went on to tell him that I was so glad that he was here and how lucky I was to have him in my classroom. I’ve become use to sending plastic bags of food home with kids every Friday so that their family has something to eat over the weekend. I’ve become use to students being taken out my class to have literally a dentist check up right outside my door. I’ve become use to kids asking me if we can take a field trip to somewhere via Google Earth because they have never seen outside of this area. And I’ve become use to these kids calling me mom mistakenly.
I don’t always enjoy my job. I haven’t always wanted to teach. I haven’t always felt called to teach. It’s tough and it takes everything out of me. But these kids make me look at my own life and feel so blessed at what I have.

Michigan 2011

THE FAMILY

Spending some quality family time at the beach.

Follow the Red Brick Road

You know what I love about Boston? Everything. Now, granted I was only there for four days and I was there with a tourist mindset that makes everything more glorious than it really is. I loved the history of the city, the architecture, the elaborate/beautiful churches on every corner, the free Boston Cream pie everyday, the harbor and boats, the really cheap fruit markets on corners, and the ease of the transit system. But what I loved most about Boston was simple….the red line. The red line? Yes, the red line. No I’m not referring to the train system, but rather to the red line of the Freedom Trail. Over 8 miles of the city is covered in either a red painted line or a line of red bricks. Follow this line and you will see every major site on the Freedom Trail. You see, every morning, I would take one step out of my hotel doors and I would be standing right on the red line. And everyday all I had to do was just follow the line. It was as simple as that….follow the red line. No maps needed, no tour guide needed to direct you which way. It was almost like that Fidelity commercial where the guy just follows the green carpet on where to go.

As I traveled around, I began to think about the red line. I wish my life had a red line to always follow. A path that requires no thinking, just following. Wouldn’t that be great.? You just wake up, get on the path, follow it, see the main attraction, turn around and follow the line straight back. It would cause clarity, it would provide direction. In many ways, I wished this line was apart of my everyday life.

But as the days went on, my mind set began to change. Every day, I’d get on the trail, only to realize that I’ve already seen the same things. Yes, staying on the path allowed me to get from A to B without any problems, but the more I took that path the more I thought, “Where is the adventure in this?”. One of my favorite quotes in life (and partially the motivation for taking the trip) is “Life is not a problem to be solved, but an adventure to be lived.” Staying on the path lacked adventure.

I think God taught me in a tangible way the benefits of taking the directed path at times and the problems with staying on the same path too long. My first lesson, came when I was on the Freedom Trail following the red line and was told by the concierge to visit this St. Patrick’s Cathedral. As I neared the location, I realized that it was about 2 blocks out from the Freedom Trail. I thought about not veering from the Trail and just staying on the Trail so that I would be sure to see all the main highlights. But in a last minute decision I walked the two blocks off the Freedom Trail. I deviated from the trail, but found in doing so I was able to experience the beauty of one of the most breathe taking cathedrals. Upon entering the cathedrals I was consumed by the sounds of a youth choir singing Christian songs and patriotic songs. I sat in the back of the cathedral and was emotionally and spiritually overwhelmed by the sound of the choir. Had I not deviated from the same path, I would not have had the experience that I did.

Yet, sometimes staying on the normal path can also have distractions. Take for example the one day that I was going to go down to the Harbor front to get on a whale watching tour. I left the hotel with plenty of time to get down there. While following the Red Freedom Trail line, I came across H&M the clothing store. Knowing that I had plenty of time to get to the Harbor front, I headed into H&M. Soon I returned to the path and made my way to the Harbor. When I got in line to buy my whale watching ticket the lady at the counter informed me that they had just sold the last ticket about 10 min. ago. Sure I had made it in plenty of time to get on the boat, but I failed to think about getting the ticket ahead of time. Shopping had distracted me (that and the fact that Boston has no tax on clothes which made it that much more appealing) . Had I not gone in, I would have been on a spectacular whale watching tour. Isn’t life like that. You get side tracked from the mission God has for you and then you miss what could have been. In such a tangible way, I was reminded the best path in life is the straight and narrow. When you become distracted by materialism or things of this world it often comes with disappointment.
God doesn’t just give us one road. He gives us choices in life that all have different paths. Sometimes when we veer from the path, we become distracted and miss something that could have been greater. Other times when we veer from the path, we see greater things than we could have if we stayed on the same path.

I’ve learned a lot of things about myself on this trip. One of the reasons why I love to travel. If there was any lesson to be learned on this trip it was to keep your eyes focused straight ahead towards the goal letting nothing distract you from your mission. But realizing that not all roads are straight and when it comes time to turn or go in a new direction....take the risk, you may end up seeing something you never expected.

Newspaper Article

While judging Nationals in Charleston, W.V. a reporter came up to me to ask me some questions about the sport. As I began telling her about the sport, my story and history in the sport came up. Later that day she called me saying that she had "stalked" me out and gotten my phone number and that her editor really thought I had an interesting story and they wanted to do a story on me. So one thing led to another and an article was published. While the article is very factual, I cannot tell my story without giving credit to the one who has healed, mended, and provided for my every step...Jesus Christ. To Him be the Glory....

http://www.dailymail.com/News/201106211205

Mother's Day

Gary, Mom, and Me celebrating our wonderful mom.

Today had such a bittersweet taste to it. My mom and Jack came up to Gary’s and we all sat outside before church and just had time to talk and enjoy the outside warmth. I knew this year was going to be hard for all of us, especially for mom. This is the first Mother’s Day that we’ve had without grandma. It seems like just yesterday that we were celebrating mother’s day with grandma last year. I miss my grandma so much. I miss just sitting with her and talking. I miss her telling me that I need to go to charm school J, I miss her passion for our Swedish heritage, I miss getting cards from her on every holiday. My grandma always said, “I didn’t do much in life, but I did raise 3 girls to love, serve, and follow the Lord.” What a job that is. In church Sunday, Gary and I sat between mom and at the end of the service Pastor James asked us to place hands on our mom. I’ve always appreciated my mom, but Sunday I really took the time to thank the Lord that I still have my mom. My mom is everything to me. She is my best friend. She is the one who took me to every single trampoline/tumbling competition, she is the one who stood in the stands cheering like crazy. She is the one who came running the hospital when I was injured. She is the one who left her job to be with me during every step of my rehabilitation. She is the one who cheered me on again when I told her I was going to walk out of the hospital and did. She is the one who always has raised me to love Jesus despite hard times. I’m so thankful for my mom…I’m so thankful for the reality that I do have my mom here and now. So as my family went to dinner together, I enjoyed the time….knowing that everything in life is a gift. Enjoy the here and now that we are given with everyone.

Twins who share the best mom ever!

Grandpa's 90th Birthday

CELEBRATING 90 YEARS!

My grandpa has always been my hero. The wisdom, compassion, love, unswirving devotion, and faithfulness he shows is one of a kind. I'm not sure I can addequetly describe my grandpa and what he means to me. He is always giving. I don't know anyone else who loves Jesus more than my grandpa and has spent 90 years faithfully serving Christ. He is the type of man who never talks about himself but rather prays for the needs of others around him. My grandpa was so devoted to his wife and is to his daughters. Even when he couldn't really take care of grandma, he tired. Every morning he prays for every single member of the family. He is also the smartest man I know. If you ask him, he could tell you all about WWII and his job during the war. His memory is impeckable. Just recently when down in FL he navigated all around the area for us telling us all about the city and showing us places that he stayed at on buisness trips over 40 years ago. Not only is he smart, but he continues to work. He loves working and still at the age of 90 he works part time for an accounting firm. My grandpa loved my grandma so much. Even in the end when she couldn't give anything back, he found in the Lord the grace and capacity to spend himself for her. What an example of Christ's love. That type of love was built over a lifetime. He didn't just give of himself for a season, but rather he spent a lifetime of practicing selfless love. For that model and example alone, I am so grateful to my grandpa for showing me.

My grandfather also holds another special place in my heart. He is the one who I look at and model what a Godly man looks like. I haven't always had the best fatherly example in my life. So having a grandpa who would move mountains for me is something I always cherish. My grandpa and I became very close when I had my accident. I had to be taken to therapy every day (sometimes twice a day) when I came home. At least twice a week, grandpa would drive all the way over, pick me up at home, put the wheelchair in the car, and drive me to therapy. He was there for all the small victories, all the little steps in my recovery. There wasn't a single time when he would not tell me how good I was doing and how hard I was working. Without question, he would always take me out for lunch after therapy. Schlotzski's Deli will forever be grandpa and my restaurant. In fact, the guy at the counter was so accustomed to seeing us and me go through all of my rehab (from walking in with a walker, to crutches, to a cane) that he said the day I come in without anything he would buy my grandpa and I a free meal. That day came and it will forever be a memory that grandpa and I have. I love my grandpa, not just because he is my grandpa, but because he life has been such an example to me of Christ. He serves and loves others unconditionally.

The worlds best grandpa!

Aunt Doris preparing the food

Aunt Karen, Aunt Doris, Erika

The cake and punch servers

(Julie, Erika, Ang)

Grandpa with his three daugthers
(Doris, Diane, Karen)

My cousin Erika and myself Mom, Me, Gary, Julie, Grandpa, Jack

Kayaking with the Gators- Tampa cont.

Last year I went swimming with the Manatees.....

(I did visit them again...that was a given) :)

This year I went........

KAYAKING WITH THE GATORS!

Canopy Walk

Canopy Walk

Mom and I ventured off to a state park where we were able to climp 77ft. in the air and see all above all of the palm trees. At the top it swayed a bit. :)

There were lots of swamps and tropical Dr. Seuss looking trees.

Florida 2011

Downtown St. Petersburg

As you can tell there are pelicans everywhere!

Aunt Karen and myself

Pool time and sun!

Anna Marie Island

Grandpa and I chillin in the sun

Mama and I collecting shells

Treasure Island Beach

We took advantage of the beautiful weather and headed to the beach. It was wonderful to just enjoy the warm air and take in all of God's creation.

I love this picture, because it resembles so much about me.

My wonderful grandpa and I.

Through the Eyes of a Child

This week our journal writing topic one day was "Who is your favorite superhero and why?" One of the little girls in my class has a tender place in my heart this year. Her mom told me at the Christmas concert that she doesn't thank the Lord for her mom anymore, rather she thanks Him for her teacher. This student lives with just her mom in a very low income housing area. Like the majority of my kids who come from very low income/single parent homes, I am their source of encouragement, the person who believes in them, and the person who in many cases takes care of them away from home. When I saw her write this in her journal, it was such a tangible reminder to me of what really matters in life. (Remember this is a 6 year old). I was having a rough week just feeling like I was an ineffective teacher and I felt like the kids weren't progressing the way they should and I was honestly just not in a good place in life mentally myself. When I saw her writing this, I was taken back. Her two simple sentences and picture reminded me of why I'm where I am and the purpose that my life holds. I may not be what I could be, I may not even be what I should be, but I am not what I was because Jesus died on a cross to save me. How freeing.

"My favorite superhero is God because he saved us. He died on the cross."

Drawing Inspiration

This week there was a story that came out that honestly captured me in so many ways. It is a story that I can relate to on such a personal level, but also a story that has caused me to do a lot of thinking about my own life and purpose. I am a sports fan.....ok, not just a sports fan, but a Die Hard, never miss a BEARS or ILLINI game type of girl. So Sunday night, after the Jets had won the playoff game, I read a story about there team. It was a story that I couldn't help but feel some how connected to if only for the fact that I myself could relate. About ten years ago a guy named Dennis Byrd was an up and coming football player for the Jets when one hit in a football game gave him a spinal cord injury resulting in paralysis. One second he was this active guy who's life revolved around being active and playing sports and within a second all of that was done. He would never return to the field as an active player again.

Flash forward to the Jets vs. Patriots game this weekend. Byrd is invited to talk to the Jet's team on Sat. night at the hotel. His simple message was this...you never know when things will come to an end, so live/play with a passion and intensity that you can say you gave it your all. Lot's of people/players give motivational speeches. To most of the football players this probably wasn't anything new. Yet this time, Byrd's speech resonated in the hearts of every player. In fact, Braylen Edwards said that he has never been so inspired by someone in his life. Prior to his speech, Byrd sent the jersey that had been cut off of him to the Jets. During game day on Sunday, Edwards carried the jersey on the field to the coin toss. There was a time during the game when Edwards caught the ball on the one yard line and two pro-bowlers grabbed his ankle to bring him down before reaching the end zone. Edwards literally drags both guys with him into the end zone. When asked later in the post game interview how he was able to drag himself into the end zone, he simply stated that his mind thought of Dennis Byrd and how Byrd only wished for one more play in life. That was the fuel that Edwards needed to make a touchdown. The inspiration and spirit of one man changed a team. Changed players.

This story resonates so deeply with me for so many reasons. First, Byrd is like me in that we are so blessed to be walking again, despite limps. Yet Byrd also mentioned in a piece that he hasn't been back to Jet's field in 18 years, because the effects of a SCI (spinal cord injury) go so much deeper than the outward physical. The mental side of SCI's often prove to be so much harder to handle. I myself can a test to that. In fact, Byrd said it best "The fact is, I'm still competing"...refering to an inward battle that SCI patients face everyday.

I often have people who hear my story or find out about me and tell me that I'm such an inspiration. I remember going on a missions trip in college and wondering what purpose I would serve on the team. At the end of the trip the missionary thanked me for coming because he believed that God sent me on that trip to be an inspiration to him and someone he would always be reminded of. While I was appreciative of his thoughts, it just didn't seem like me just being me was inspiring and I struggled to believe that inspiring someone was enough. Maybe because bringing inspiration to someones life causes an inward change in them that remains hidden to the outside world sometimes.

Reflecting on this football story and my story, I am maybe beginning to see that being someone who inspires someone isn't about the visual changes you can see in a person. We live in such a visual society that we often associate change with the outward/physical change. Yet as I looked at this story, I realized that when you are given the gift to inspire (either by choice or not) you have to embrace it and realize that inspiring people is more about bringing an inward change within someone. That you bring hope to people, something that cannot be measured in a visual/physical world. Maybe that's where I feel so connected to this story. It took one man who had an accident 18 years ago to give hope to a team. Inspiration is a catullus for people to look at, believe in, and hope for. While, Byrd inspiration gave hope to a team, it also allowed them to believe and ultimately win the game.

I too have to believe that even though I often don't feel like my life makes sense, that my life story will inspire people. That they will see within me a hope. A hope that isn't defined by worldly goals, but a hope within me that comes from knowing Jesus. In fact, I asked my mom if she would find the box of old leotards that I use to wear and I asked her if she could find the leotard that was cut off of me in my accident. She found the leo and I asked her to send it to me. I want to hang up the leotard, not for prideful/boastful reasons at all.....but because I want it to be a daily tangible reminder to me to make each day count. I want it to inspire me to run this race with perseverance knowing that my hope is in spending eternity in heaven where cut leotards/jerseys will be stitched back perfectly and made whole again.

ESPN story link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUO0tNTQxsY

http://sports.espn.go.com/new-york/nfl/news/story?id=6026411&campaign=rss&source=NFLHeadlines