Forsaken

So lately, I've been thinking about the word "forsake".  The definition of forsake is to forget or give up or leave someone or something entirely.  There are a lot of things in my life that I need to forsake.  There are a lot of things that I never want to forsake.  The word forsake can be related to the word surrender.  Lately, I've felt God's calling in my life to surrender those things that are holding me back in life, so that I can become more Christ like. So, part of my journey in life is identifying what I need to forsake and actually leaving them.  In order to do that, I have to have full confidence in a God who's strength will be my power to accomplish this task.  Sometimes I feel like God is a thousand miles away from me....but I always turn and realize the truth....  that He never for a moment has forsaken me.  After all, He is ONLY good. I think this song sums it up best:


Meredith Andrews- Not For A Moment


 

Unconditional

                         Listen to Micah's Story

       It was Easter Sunday and I was celebrating my 30^th birthday in the sunny Florida on vacation.  MY friend who I had traveled with did not want to go to church as she is not a Christian.  So I was left to find a church to attend on my own.  I Googled nondenominational churches and came across the church called Bayside Community Church.  I decided that was where I was going to go for Easter service.  So Sunday morning, I got in my car and drove there.  I got there early knowing it was Easter Sunday and sat in my car for awhile.  As the clock got closer to churches starting time, I became increasingly fearful about walking in to the church.  You see, ever since my accident, I become fearful of walking into new places alone.  What am I afraid of?  I’m afraid of being judged or looked at differently because of my condition.  Sure, standing still I look like anyone else and like nothing is wrong, but as soon as I start to walk, people take notice.  My walking gate pattern is not like everyone else’s.  My right leg doesn’t bend well and thus I walk with a slight, but noticeable limp.  So here I was alone on Easter, sitting in my car, letting Satan talk me out of getting out of the car.  Finally, I opened the Bible next to me and read from Joshua where it says “Be Strong and courageous, do not be afraid, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”  With that as my promise, I got out of the car and started walking in with all the other people.  I made it to the sanctuary and slipped into one of the back rows.  Again, I was overcome with a sense of loneliness sitting by myself at Easter and a sense of fear that someone might ask me what’s wrong.  I get it often….people are naturally curious and often times don’t mean any harm when they ask.  But to me, it’s like an arrow that pierces the heart and seems to always say “Look, people notice that something’s wrong with you.”  Most times, my mind can move past it, but other times, when my confidence is low I take the words to heart and hear Satan attacking me reminding me that I am broken and will not be whole or “normal” like before again.   The service started and I began to feel more at ease knowing that I had accomplished the hardest part….I had stepped out of the car.  While my fear had subsided, I continued to feel disconnect as I was surrounded by like minded Christians who had no idea of my condition or story….but yet, I felt comfortable in the pure presence of worshiping Jesus. 

AND then it happened. 

    I thought the sermon was going to start but they played a video.  On the video was this 19 year old kid who starts talking about his adventure on a motorcycle to Alaska.  The whole time he’s telling the story and all you really see is a head shot of him telling the story.  He talks about he left Alaska on his motorcycle and then the video cuts to a heartbeat sound.  At this point you realize that he’s been in an accident.  Again we are directed back to Micah’s face but this time the camera starts to zoom out while Micah says these words:

“Nothing really hits you until you wake up in a hospital bed and something has changed…you now have a condition….and everything has changed. “

It’s then that we see that Micah is now in a wheelchair. 

That’s when I lost it.  You see, here I am, this random visitor to this church sitting in the back row crying to myself because I AM Micah.  I have Micah’s story.   I was a 19 year old girl who took one flip and I woke up in a hospital bed and something had changed….I now had a condition….and everything changed.  I, like Micah, had a spinal cord injury and was paralyzed from the waist down.   I’ve lived in a wheelchair.  I’ve been to a spinal cord rehab institute.

     And so there I was….crying, but trying not to let the people around me see.  At the end of the sermon, Micah’s video continues.  His story didn’t just end at the accident.  It went on.  I sat in the back row watching this video of someone who is broken and yet has the fearless drive to continue his life’s adventures knowing and aware of his condition.  He knows what his condition is….we all have them.  The message Micah said that day spoke directly to me.  When his words came out of his mouth, I knew that God was speaking to me.  I am a broken person who sometimes lets fear take hold of my life.

     Yet in my brokenness I stepped out of the car and walked into church to find the one thing I needed to hear……that the God I love with my entire heart  is unconditional.  Micah refused to find his identity in his condition.  He has chosen to go on with joy despite his condition.  Jesus Christ, was broken in the most horrific way because he loved me so much despite ANY condition I have.  My condition doesn’t define me.  May my love for you Lord and others be what defines my life. 

      When the video was done (I was the biggest mess possible), Micah was on the stage with a guitar in his hand singing a hymn.  I lost it.  LOST IT.  And the truth is, I didn’t care what people around me thought.  I understood what Micah had been through, because I had been there.  But more, I sobbed because I saw someone who didn’t let fear of his condition hold him back from worshiping Jesus Christ.  His strength to tell his story encouraged my heart that day more than anything.

    I knew that God had placed me here at this church for a reason.  Micah’s story was meant for me to hear that day.  To encourage me and remind me that my condition does not define me.  It does not tell me what I can and cannot do.  I was but seconds away from driving out of the parking lot out of fear of walking in and letting my condition define me.  Yet God, in his almighty grace and mercy, took me to scripture to remind me that fear has no place when He’s in charge.  His grace, brought me to the back of that church to listen to a testimony that was so similar to mine.  Dare I not say, is God not sovereign?  I am a girl on vacation from Normal, IL, but God brought me to this place.  He used other people’s story to encourage my heart and remind me who I am.  I had to come to God with my full broken condition in order to receive his full mercy and love. 

     I left church that Sunday knowing that other people didn’t know my condition, but that I can go on with joy, despite my condition because I know who I am as God’s child.

     No matter what we go through in life, our thoughts are powerful. They shape how we see the world. And here is a truth that we should meditate on, we have the love of Jesus. God sent him to demonstrate his unconditional love. And this love should always give us joy, always give us hope, and always give us love.

 

A BIG Celebration Birthday!

 

 

For my our birthdays, my friend Marcy and I decided to take a trip to Florida.  The weather was less than wonderful but we made the most of it by enjoying our nice beach view and visiting a manatee named Snooty that we fell in love with!  Great memories with a great friend!