http://youtu.be/htPID9rB7h8
Thank you for the wilderness, where I learned to thirst for your presence.
When I look back on my life, I can remember months even years where I struggled to understand what God was doing in my life. I can specifically remember the year out of college. I remember for a year or so feeling like I was just wondering aimlessly in life. I had just come off the best four years of my life in college and had entered into the real world. Except the real world didn’t seem to want me. I had applied hundreds of places and I had no job. I struggled with the fact that I was moving back home and not the Chicago suburbs like my dreams had always taken me. I ended a 2 year relationship and struggled to understand why my heart felt the way it did. I struggled to find community. I literally went from living with my 5 best friends in one bedroom (yes triple often and bunk beds) to zero friends in one day when I moved home. Community was gone. This was the wilderness time of my life. Now, I’ve had other times in my life that I would considered wilderness times. But the truth rings deeply….I had to thirst for the presence of God. I had to thirst for God to bring new people into my life. I had to step back and trust that God had a better man in store for me even though I still held on to the memories of what once was. I had to hope that God was in the business of providing. I felt like I had nothing, but many years later I can step back and see the big picture of it all…. That those times refined me and provided a deeper understanding that thirsting can be beautiful.
If I never known that place, how could I have known you were better?
Thank you for the lonely times, when I learned to live in the silence. As the other voices fade, I can hear you calling me Jesus….
Loneliness. I’ve come to know it well. Don’t get me wrong, I have many friends and am socialable, but that doesn’t always diminish loneliness. People often ask me why I’m on the move so much and rarely at home. If I’m honest, I think it’s because I run from loneliness. You see, I live alone. I live in a 3 bedroom 2 ½ bath home. It’s just me. No pets, no kids, no others. Life can get lonely pretty fast when I come home. But, as I’ve come to realize….this time of loneliness is a blessing for me. I have noises around me all day long in the classroom. I’ve come to realize that this time at home alone is my reflection time. My time to just be silent and process all that God wants to tell me. Times like this where I can sit in a silent home and just write and think are gifts.
Thank you for the scars I bare. They declare that you are my healer. How could I have seen your strength if you never show me my weakness.
I bare scars. Emotional and physical. My heart has been wounded many times, but the truth is that I still love those people who have hurt it. I’m not closed off to them. That’s God’s healing power at work in me. Because my selfish nature just wants to be bitter at them. But I’m not. I have physical scars. I have a 5 inch scar that runs down the middle of my back. And every summer when I go to put on that bathing suit and start to get self conscious of it….I step back. I touch it, and I thank God that that scar happened. I thank God that he is in the business of giving. For while, so much of my life was turned upside down because of that scar, I was given a new perspective on life that has changed the way I think, act, and feel towards the world. Too much that’s been given, much is exspected….my scar reminds me of that everyday. That scar reminds me that God is in the business of giving. And where something was taken it was only to give something greater.
And it’s worth it all just to know you more.
You’ve done great things… Jesus your love never fails me.
The truth is…..God’s done far greater things that I ever thought possible. His love really never has failed me.
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