Perplexed

 2 Corth. 4:7-9

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

This verse has been on my heart the last week.   Let me start with last week.  Last Wednesday night I asked my small group girls to define their current life mentality in one word.  For me the word I used to describe my life was hopeful.  So many things in my life were looking hopeful.  I was excited about different things.  I was opening my heart again and letting hope guide me into perusing different possibilities and relationships.  Fast forward to the next week at small group and I asked the exact same question to the girls.  It’s funny how many people had totally different answers.  Myself included.  A week later and my word had gone from hopeful to weary. 

I’ve asked myself this a lot this week.  How can your heart go from one to the other in such little time.   The truth is, my hopefulness has led to weariness.  I’m weary of investing into hope and finding it disappointing.  Maybe more specifically I’m weary of being perplexed about the way things turned out over the course of a week.  I know specifics aren’t given here, but the truth is, they don’t need to be.  I’m not perplexed about the why….I’m smart enough and know the reason why….it’s the same reason why I’ve spent many years not getting excited or hopeful in this area of my life.  As I’ve wrestled with my thoughts, I’ve clung to this verse:

2 Corth. 4:7-9

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 

I am perplexed.  Hope has faded.  Let me repeat that….hope has faded.  It’s not gone. I wish I could change things.  I wish things were different and I wish hope was still the dominate theme the resided in my heart right now.  But I’ve come to understand this, this week.  That belief in God’s sovereignty thus gives us the security of knowing God is in control.  God gives people the ability to make choices.  He gives people the ability to see what’s in front of them and make a decision. God’s sovereignty allows us to believe that he is bigger than our circumstances and will make our lives better through our circumstances.  I may feel struck down, but I am not destroyed.  :)